OK. How many times have you said or heard the phrases; “This one’s different”; “He really loves me”; “He’s special” and the best of all “He’s not after my money”. Certainly if the relationship goes past one night he will say he loves you. You probably won’t believe this, but after a few days you might feel you love him.
Well as they say rather rudely – wake up and smell the coffee. I know this may well alienate me from some of my readers, but this article is a lesson in Thai philosophy. Tim Stewart wrote a rather long story about a Thai boy who genuinely fell in love with a hard-hearted farang. But it’s fantasy. I’m going to take the risk and put down my view on Thai thinking and you can take it or leave it.
Thai boys don’t love you. What makes you think that an elderly (probably) overweight, gay Westerner would be of interest to a fit, young, frequently straight Thai Boy? If you were in London, you’d not get a second look from a 20 year old lad. In fact more often than not if they caught you looking a them you’d get a slap! So why does it appear different here? Well, I’m going to go back on what I’ve just implied. It’s NOT about money, it’s about self-respect. And that’s where this article will surprise you.
The Thai philosophy is all about “face” and “respect” from other people; their peers and their relations. You’re the key to this respect and you don’t realise what you’re getting in return. The culture of the society is built around someone with more money taking care of someone with less. If you understand this, and do your part, you will be seen to have a good heart. Thai to Thai relationships use the same basis. When a group of Thais go out for dinner, whoever has the most cash or best job, picks up the tab. You’ll never see a group of Thais working a calculator to see who owes what at the end of a meal. You are obviously better off than your new Thai friend. So it follows that you will indeed be his meal ticket.
So bear with me and follow this tale.
A farang picks up a Thai boy, likes him, and decides to stay with him for a few days. After the first day he notices it all APPEARS to be about money. As you’re walking down the street, the new tee shirt he likes needs your wallet. At the disco in the evening, the bottle of whiskey for him and his friends needs your wallet. The very latest mobile phone needs your wallet. His family has a sick relative and it needs your wallet. You wake up in the morning and it needs your wallet – sound familiar? Well now look at it from his point of view. The new tee shirt was so you’d be proud to be seen with him. His self-esteem goes up. The friends want drinks at the disco, his respect from them goes up. The new phone certainly increases his societal position. The money to help the sick relative increases his respect from his family and cements his position as a useful member of the clan
Now look at it again, this time as he looks at you – what is he giving you? Certainly not the sex. That’s an inconvenience to him. He’d rather not have to play with your flabby bits. If he’s straight he’ll certainly be thinking of his girlfriend if not actually looking at porn on his phone. What do you get from the example above? The new tee shirt shows his friends you’re taking care of him. YOUR respect goes up in their eyes. The drinks at the disco do the same. You can see how the family will respect you too. But what is he giving you? The fact he bartered the Tee shirt down shows he’s taking care of you. The fact he restricted the number of friends who could share the whiskey shows he’s looking after you. When he got a case and a memory card free for his phone he was taking care of you.
Finally think of the language. Take the Thai word for love and put it into Thai wikipedia. One thing it says is “emotional attachment is associated with tolerance of couples.” As long as you tolerate him, he will tolerate you.
That’s the essence of Thai love. He takes care of and tolerates you and you take care and tolerate of him. Western love doesn’t come into it. In the end there’s a chance, a very good chance, in fact it’s a racing certainty that however different your boy is, it will all end in tears. To use a phrase I hate; suck it up, move on to the next boy and he will move on to the next farang. That’s life in Thailand… and I promise I won’t say “I told you so”.
