In “I left my heart” we gave a reasonably factual account of one view of Thai boys and what makes them tick. In this article, supplied by a friend, we take a slightly more “tongue in cheek” look at the same thing. Enjoy!

These basic rules of survival have proven to be reliable thousands of times; they come from the mixed source of Thai boys and literally hundreds upon hundreds of gay men alone in the Land of Smiles.

You may be sceptical at first, but time will surely prove the wisdom..

OK, there is sensational entertainment out there waiting for you. Eye contact occurs in a mili-second and is a finely-honed skill which will leave you breathless, happy and heart-a-beating but hopefully not without your substantial holiday savings. These few points, if followed, will ensure a happy ending…

One. Nearly every single boy is available to be a companion, whether he works in a petrol Station, 7-11, Law Office or a Bar. ‘Going with customer’ is a time-honoured occupation and there is no social distinction inferred when a boy earns some extra over-time. His role in life is to take care of the family members while the rest of his family gets on with the serious business of doing next to nothing. He and he alone is the responsible bread-winner, which brings us to…

Two. Get used to the concept of giving money as it is the ultimate ‘good feeling’ and ensures you have a ‘good heart’. Whether it is 30 Baht for a Taxi-Motorci or 20,000 Baht for the replacement of the dead buffalo; always give money. Never give presents (apart from mobile phones or gold) and don’t go on expensive tourist junkets or to fancy restaurants. Far better to give what you would normally waste in cash so he can do what is best for his family. Let him make the choice, not you.

Three. You must not be single! This can open a can of worms much better remained sealed. You can always fall in love later because this way you get to see and know him in a real sense. Tell him you have a boyfriend or wife, you love them and you only ever stay with them, but on this holiday you are going to have some ‘happy hour’. This will give him the freedom to continue his career without worrying about how you feel, you are free to look around and Thai boys love to be with devoted “married” men. They believe they are less trouble, less likely to carry disease, and provide more sensibly. However if the inevitable occurs when he asks why are a ‘butterfly’ the answer is simple. You like to go to the same restaurant every day, but you don’t eat chicken every day. You are on holiday.

Four. He doesn’t ask you about your customers at work, so don’t ask him. You don’t need to know and you will only get a less than accurate answer. Same goes about his Thai boy/girl friend. If you ask he will tell you that ‘Thai lady no good’ and ‘finish her long time’. This may be partially true, but in more than 90% of cases, he has a Thai boyfriend or girlfriend who helps him distribute his earnings or he has a ‘ladyboy’. You need to understand that he also gets paid by the Thai ladyboys who he shags in his time off. Which explains why the boys are abundant in Karoke Bars and Thai ladies go there. It’s a bit like a Pub we used to go to after work. Think about it, they have been at work trying to please some Farang who they don’t understand and he doesn’t understand their ways. After work, he can go and get a lady boy, have a laugh in his language and ways, enjoy a few drinks and have a quick shag with no commitment or problem and get paid for it too!

Five. If you start to become boyfriend be prepared that he will continue with one or more other men. This is his only security as in more cases than not, the Farang who has been promising his undying love and a home in the country all of a sudden dumps him for a newer model. He has been lied-to many times so he has to get smarter and tougher until he can be sure that he is going to really take care of him. Initially, at least, most men are loathe to provide a substantial monthly income to someone they hardly know or trust. So he keeps two or three income streams open for the time being. He has to because of…

Six. His family demands. These can be staggering, grossly unfair and a tremendous worry for the boy. Some families are more like a torrent than a dripping-tap. They never let up and expect some tens of thousands of baht to be deposited every month. If you end-up with a wonderful Thai boyfriend then this can all change for the better. Don’t think about it for now, just understand why it happens.

Seven. You are his customer, and he is giving you one of the best times in your life. He is not your boyfriend and you are not his buddy. He is going out with you and spending time with you for money. Not for love and certainly not for a ‘good time to get away from the bar’. He loves the bar and all the benefits it gives; this is his work! So you must always pay him for all the time he spends with you. At the bar, eating, beach, bowling or the bedroom. An electrician or lawyer gets paid for his time and so must he. Or as they say ‘problem will follow’. Never ever ever get caught by the seemingly innocent phrase when you discuss money of ‘up to you’. This translates to ‘at the end I will get what I really want’, so the next rule is absolutely vital!

Eight. You MUST discuss EVERYTHING about money first, even though this may be a very foreign feeling for you. You must talk about how long will he stay tonight (or tomorrow), what you like to do in the bedroom, what he doesn’t do or like to do in the bedroom, and importantly how much is a happy ‘feeling’ for both parties. Don’t leave this or be doomed! You have been warned! If you do this properly then chances are you are going to have a truly wonderful time with your new found delicate toy.

Thai boys really are fantastic partners. But you are the potential problem, not them. You are not in England, Australia or USA. You are a guest in a foreign land. They do not care if you stay or leave. As far as they are concerned, their life will not change for the worse. It is not, and will never be the same as ‘back home’.

Accept them as Thai people, not people who you think should change for your better. Accept or go back to the picket-fence in the suburbs, the Labrador, the Volvo and the size 22 wife. And dream about the only head-job you got when you were first courting … Have fun…

THIS WAS NOT WRITTEN AS A DISCUSSION PAPER. IT IS SIMPLY PASSING-ON EXPERIENCES. IT IS NOT A FORUM FOR OPINIONS. Thanks.